I am not my trauma, and my trauma is not permanent.

White background with a translucent golden flame emerging from the bottom of the picture. Dark brown writing on top reading "I am not my trauma, and my trauma is not permanent."

Today’s Musing

*Trigger Warning: mention of sexual assault, no details*

As I endeavour on some healing over the next few weeks, I acknowledge that I am not my trauma and that my trauma is not permanent.

My trauma consists of unprocessed and trapped emotion.

I continue to develop my toolbox for processing and holding myself in times of overwhelm and thereafter. In these situations, I store in my body anything that remains unprocessed. For me, trauma manifests mainly as situational anxiety and depression based on triggers in my external and internal environment.

Over my healing journey I have been slowly and steadily expanding my capacity to be able to sit with discomfort, and to cultivate a healthy relationship with my masculine energy so that I can hold a solid container for myself in my healing.

And guess what happened?

About a month ago, my body brought back up an experience that I had over 15 years ago. An experience that I thought “wasn’t a big deal in the big scheme of things,” which I now understand as a sexual assault.

Because of the work that I have been doing, my body has gifted me with the opportunity to pursue healing associated with this event. Because my capacity has grown, it knows that I am ready to process this trapped emotion.

And of course, my conditioned self pushed back in an effort to protect me from the discomfort that is associated with this healing work. And what I get to do in this situation is trust my body; it would not have presented this information to me if I wasn’t ready. I get to understand that my conditioning will always try to avoid discomfort. However, this is not in service of my highest self or my personal liberation.

What I move to do over the next few weeks is revisit the spaces of discomfort. To process emotion, to connect with the land, to shed the layers that are no longer needed, to liberate myself.

I am not my trauma. I am worthy of healing. I am capable of healing. And so are you.

If you’d like to take a moment to use the power of your intention for your healing, try the following exercise.

Take a moment to center yourself, grounding yourself with your breath in the current moment.
Complete a body scan, noticing sensations and anything that is present, moving from your crown to your toes, with a focus on the energy centers in your body (crown, third eye, throat, heart, solar plexus, sacral, and root). Note that this practice alone can bring up discomfort.
When you feel as grounded in your body as you can be in this moment, feel and say out loud the following statement: “I am worthy of healing.”

Emotion may be tied to this statement, or you may feel numb. There is no right or wrong way to experience this affirmation. Say it as many times as feels right for you, and if you’d like to, type it in the comments below for some extra gumption! Then give yourself a big hug. Comfort yourself and feel your own comforting touch. You are amazing.

So much love to you,

I am not my trauma, and my trauma is not permanent. – From The Hearth